I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
