its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
