yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
