So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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