whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
