I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
