I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He did a backflip because drugs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
