I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
