dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
