if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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