Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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