Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
