just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
