Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
