if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh god it's open bar.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
