Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do herpes really smell.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
