i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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