now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
worst night to have a conscience
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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