I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
