I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
