physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
