Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
