you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize