It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just tell him i said nine months
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
