Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
