he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
