I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
