I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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