two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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