If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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