Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
