So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
