Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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