so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
