My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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