you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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