All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
