Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
