Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
