Just cropdusted the office
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
