When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
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