She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
