If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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