If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
