Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
