I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
