I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
