Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
