The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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