My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
