Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize