he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
