hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize