so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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