Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
