i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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