Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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