it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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