I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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