i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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