I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
