I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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