Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
