life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
smell my finger.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
