I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Green mimosas i think yes
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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