I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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