Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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